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By Zak Kertesz

Sony Creative Software Inc.


the SportsComplainer presents Close the Gap!

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Waste of words

Photo by Tom Hauck

----I just ate a sandwich.  Corned beef on rye.  Does anybody care?  No.  Should anybody care?  No.  Brad Childress just took a trip.  Hattiesburg, Mississippi.  Does anybody care?  Yes.  Should anybody care?  No.


Sure, it’s justified to chronicle the legends of Brett Favre during the season, but there is no justification in chronicling the comedies of Brett Favre during the offseason.

It is not justified to chronicle the indecisiveness of Favre’s indecision.  In essence, it’s precisely the same thing as reporting that there is nothing to report.  For, if Favre is wavering, which is he, he is absent of information.  If he is absent of information, so is everyone else.

Yet, void reports of insignificancy continue to circulate through the media.

Nondescript details continue to convolute the headlines as breaking news.

Is it breaking news that Favre and Childress met on Southern Mississippi’s campus?  No.  Is it breaking news that the result of the meeting in Hattiesburg, is that there is no result?  No.

Then, why is it plausible to proclaim such senselessness as breaking news?

Fine, if it’s monetarily necessary for every media outlet to cover such drollery, then the coverage should at least be valid.  Shouldn’t it? 

Adam Schefter, ESPN’s NFL Insider, provided his information on the Brett Favre ordeal.  Mind you, he is an insider, his information is precious.  It is valued.  It is, for Pete’s sake, inside information!  Schefter stated, “It’s only a matter of time before we begin to get some answers to the questions that people have been wondering about.”

Really?  That’s inside information?  That’s the information of an insider?  What is he inside of?  Not the NFL.

Hidden behind that desperate plead for information, lies a legit fact.  The fact being, that he knows nothing.  He has no information.  Forget the inside information, he doesn’t have any information.

Although, I cannot dismiss the clever way in which he managed to word his statement.  While he failed to actually acquire information, he almost succeeded in disguising his failure to acquire information.  I had to read his statement twice, prior to realizing that he had nothing but fluff.  Kudos, Schefter.

Tim Hasselbeck, ESPN’s NFL analyst, stated that Favre’s indecision “is ridiculous [and] there's no doubt that it’s over the top.”  Sure, his statement was honest.  And sure, he actually said something, unlike the insider.  But he does not have the résumé to lash out with such opinionated assertions.

Yes, Hasselbeck has only thrown seven interceptions in his entire career.  But, he has only thrown five touchdowns in his entire career.  His passer rating of 63.6 doesn’t help, either.

Which begs the question, what is he doing on television?  His journalistic integrity?  His stellar NFL career?  His full head of hair?  I don’t know.  However, Adam Schefter may have some inside information on the issue.

It should be noted that every media outlet has their own ensemble of faulty analysts and experts and insiders.  ESPN is not the sole unjustifiable chronicler, they are accompanied by a never ending list of fallaciousness.

However, as fallacious as the mass media may be, they cannot harbor the entirety of the blame.

The director, the man behind the scenes of this dramedy, Brett Favre, cannot go utterly untarnished in this briefing of condemnation.

He, like LeBron James, is an oscillating procrastinator.  He, unlike LeBron James, rarely gets scrutinized for such adolescent behavior.

But, why?  At least James made his decision a couple months before the eve of training camp.  While Favre, is still waffling just days before the eve of training camp.  Of course, certain specifics exist that can dignify the disparity, but, the fact remains, Favre deserves to be scrutinized.

Despite his indecisiveness, Favre is a beloved icon.  He is entitled to be chastised by someone of greater significance than Tim Hasselbeck.

Allow me to introduce Bus Cook, Favre’s agent.

In a recent interview with Men’s Journal, Cook stated, “Why does [Favre] have to be such a goddamned drama queen?  Play, don't play, goddamn, people are getting sick of it.  I'm getting sick of it!”

It should be noted that the statement was made with humorous intent, but as the old English proverb goes, “Many a true word is spoken in jest.” 

The continuance of Favre’s chastising is plausible as this point, but I feel as if Bus Cook handled the matter rather efficiently.  And, while Favre is indeed the creator of all this journalistic mayhem, he is not the primary problem.  Sure, his indecisiveness is annoying.  But annoyance can be avoided, it can be ignored.  And that’s the primary problem, that his indecisiveness is not ignored.

Climactically, I’m expecting ESPN to formally announce an hourlong telecast of “The Decision: Part II.”  In all probability, Ed Werder will be assigned to the role that Jim Gray held in Part I.  And it’s natural to assume, that the dramedy will be filmed at Oak Grove High School in Hattiesburg, Mississippi.   Yet, a lone obstacle remains:  When?

“It’s only a matter of time before we begin to get some answers to the questions that people have been wondering about,” Adam Schefter has stated.

But, could this actually occur?  It could.  Will it actually occur?  Don’t dispel the possibility.

Would it be justified?

Is it justified for Brett Favre to be so indecisive?

Is it justified for the media to chronicle his indecisiveness?

Is it justified for me to mock the notion of chronicling his indecisiveness?

Well, as Jackie Chiles would say, “It's lewd, vesivius, salacious, outrageous!”